I’m Leaving You, Goodbye.

/0 Comments/in /by

If you loved me, you’d say “congratulations” when I obtained success, rather than point out my areas of improvement or focus on your shortcomings and/or accomplishments. If you cared for me, you’d put your own selfish needs aside just for one moment. If you had any ounce of integrity, you’d shame the need to kick me when I’m already down. If you weren’t so insecure, you’d be able to see the real me, rather than blame me for something you think you see.

I thought you loved me. I thought you were my friend. My confidant. My support. It wasn’t that you acted in a way contrary to what you promised or what I thought a friend should be. The disappointment was bred by the fact that you’d intentionally put me in harms way because of your own insecurities. There are parts of me that has thoughts of seeking revenge and smirking at the notion that Karma has finally found its rightful place with you. But that is not who I want to be anymore, and the other parts of me just feels sympathy for you. You do not know who you are. There is no place for kindness or hope in your heart, and unfortunately, you will always be hindered from obtaining prosperity due to the cruelness that has cultivated in you.

I truly feel sorry for you because it will be your loss. Ruining the opportunity to have someone in your life who supports and uplifts you during your weakest hour. Choosing the feeling of immediate self-satisfaction and gratification versus the security of an unconditional, long-lasting friendship and love. It kills me more than you will ever know or understand to have to say “Goodbye”. But I can no longer allow for you to be a toxin in my life.

We are all only human. Living each day in hopes that we will be seen…wanted. We are all prone to making mistakes. It is a part of life and our opportunity to experience self-growth. Because of this, I can only say that “I forgive you”. And I hope that one day you seek a purpose that is beyond your flesh. Instead of me acting as you have, I am just going to express the melody that’s in my heart…

If you would only treat me right, I’d stay here by your side.
But I am down to my last cry, So I’m leaving you, goodbye.

You turned away from opportunities, to sit and talk things through.
But now when I say I’m leaving you, you have so much to prove.

So long to all my pain. Goodnight to my heartache.
Goodbye sorrow, I won’t cry no more. I’m leaving tomorrow.

I made the choice to finally go, cause I can’t stand this pain.
It’s time for my last tear to fall, and me to smile again.

So long to all my pain. Good night to my heartache.
Goodbye sorrow, I won’t cry no more. I’m leaving tomorrow.

Sorrows and heartache. Goodbye, I’m leaving you.
Don’t wanna meet again. Has got to be the end, the end.

The sun will finally shine on me, and clouds will drift away.
There’s something that’s in store for me, that’s my brighter day.

So long to all my pain. Good night to my heartache.
Goodbye sorrow, I won’t cry no more. I’m leaving tomorrow.

To say “Goodbye” to a loved one. Whether it be a family member or a close friend. It can resemble the heartache of losing your first true love. This post can be open for interpretation. I hope it touches your heart and allows for you to heal from the loss of someone who you at one point or another considered to be inevitable or irreplaceable in your life. Sometimes you have to let go of the things you love in order to find yourself and become the person that you were created to be. Sometimes you have to endure an excruciating heartache in order to find the strength that was always deep within that you never knew existed. There’s something that’s in store for you…that’s a brighter day. Love yourself 1st. Be blessed. With Love, Nicola

Karmic Incentives & Consequences: Is it YOU or FATE?!

/0 Comments/in /by

kar·ma

  • (in Hinduism and Buddhism) the sum of a person’s actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences.
  • informal
 destiny or fate, following as effect from cause.

Have you ever wondered if your thoughts or actions bring about any karmic incentives or consequences? I believe it depends on you and your perception on life. Are you someone who believes everything is based on fate, or the development of events beyond a person’s control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power? Basically, if you believe in fate, you agree that things are destined to happen or turn out in a particular way, no matter what actions you or someone else makes. And on the other hand, you might be someone who believes that your fate, or karma, is directly determined by your thoughts or actions. For example, if you steal something from a store, something special might be stolen from your possession.

As I have been working on the next phase of my life and making the decision to implement a change of pace and place, I have been considering my own personal karmic incentives and consequences. I have been struggling with my thoughts to determine whether or not I believe that the experiences that I am experiencing are directly based on my thoughts and actions, or if they are indirectly based on the fact that my fate has already been predetermined and I am simply just living the journey that I have been destined to live.

First, I used rationale. The reality is that there is good and bad in everyone… Even the kindest person can find himself or herself feeling anger, guilt or regret. Even the kindest person has a breaking point where they can no longer handle their own experiences or the not-so-kind people that they might be subjected to dealing with on a daily basis. And even if this kind person doesn’t act on their initial feelings like many others do, their thoughts are inevitable. So does this kind person not deserve any bad Karma because they did not act on their feelings or wish any “bad” on someone else? If that is the case, why do so many bad things happen to so many “good people”?

And visa versa… even the cruelest person could have their moment of sincerity, kindness, and compassion? They might give a homeless person on the street the change they received from their early morning coffee purchase on the way to their successful, corporate job. Some might say they were being vain and that coffee change didn’t mean anything to them, so they weren’t really being sincere, kind or compassionate; they (the ‘cruel person’) just didn’t prefer to have loose change moving around in their corporate suit. If this is the case, why does it seem as though many ”bad people” get away with so much?

It was important for me to consider why it is that those who appear to be good and kind (and they really may be that) seem to get a pass in their “weak” moments. And why does the ‘greedy’ corporate man seem to always be judged and expected to be nothing but insincere when they are doing something kind. Whether or not they didn’t want to keep that change in their pockets, there are some people who bypass the homeless (some who really want to eat and not buy alcohol or drugs), thinking, “if they didn’t want to be homeless they’d work harder”. So the bypasser doesn’t think that homeless person deserves their loose change. Don’t get me wrong. Yes, there are many homeless individuals out there who do really want the money for drugs/alcohol, but that’s not really the point, is it? It’s the thought behind the mind of the giver.

If I am a person who does not have much integrity or tends to make unethical decisions on a consistent basis, yes, I may be deemed immoral and others may feel that I deserve to reap karmic consequences because of how I have treated others. But the reality is that many people who do “bad things” tend to get away with a lot, or more than one would think they should.

It was important for me to consider this because it helped me to come to the conclusion that considering that we are all capable of good and bad, none of us is better than the other or deserves to pay for our actions for the ‘rest of our lives’ (this does not include consequences such as contracting HIV/AIDS because a person chose to intentionally play with people’s hearts and sleep with as many partners as possible without using protection OR the person who decided to take up a profession of robbing and after being shot by the store owner they were left paralyzed) based on the ridicule of others, especially if we are making a mends and trying to be better. We all deserve to suffer the consequences to our actions, then we also deserve the opportunity to forgive ourselves, be forgiven by others, and move on with our lives as we attempt to make more moralistic decisions. But another reality is that, our world is just not like that. Our world is cruel, unforgiving, tough, rough, and sometimes too much for many of us to bear (i.e. resorting to drugs, alcohol, traumatically or fatally hurting others or ourselves).

This conclusion then brought me to believe that our karma isn’t really based on our actions. For example, imagine the little boy in your 3rd grade class who was bullied because he was scrawny and awkward, and his parents couldn’t or wouldn’t help him. He was bullied all the way through high school, until he grew some and his handsome features appeared. The life of this boy could have gone several ways. He could have considered using drugs/alcohol to numb his pain, or even killing himself. Or the bad karma that others put out could’ve in turn resulted in good karma for him and he could’ve turned into an all-star athlete. How is karma determined? What if the boy decided to go down the negative route and started using drugs, and thus, he began stealing from his parents and hurting others physically/emotionally in the process. Maybe even became a felon himself.

Yes, society would blame this boy for his own actions. His family would be disappointed in him and possibly disown him. Is this what this boy deserved? He was just a boy. He was lost. He was not given proper guidance. He was neglected and abused himself and just put out what he was given. Yes, we all have the will to make our own choices. Sometimes we may or may not be aware of what the best choice is and if we are even making a bad decision. And let’s say, after he turned bad and began to hurt others. The people that he hurt… they then began to try to seek revenge on this boy. One might say that is what the boy deserved. That was his karma for others to seek revenge on him. But what about the people who began to seek revenge? One might say they were justified in acting in this inappropriate, bad karma-like manner. But now they are just as bad as the boy or the kids who bullied him. Do they now deserve to reap bad karmic consequences? When you intentionally do something to someone (even if it is based on hurt feelings and the things done to you), is that when you deserve karmic consequences or do you get a pass during that ‘moment of weakness’?

Have you ever wondered if your thoughts or actions bring about any karmic incentives or consequences, or if the things that happen to you (good or bad) are solely based on fate and the predetermined destiny already chosen for you? I believe it depends on you and your perception on life. I believe karma consists of both our thoughts/actions and our predetermined fate. Karma is a powerful term whether or not you believe we have any control over its existence in our lives. Now, I think it is important for me to consider how karma (actions/thoughts and predetermined fate) affects the future of our physical and spiritual (i.e. where will we go when we die?)

As I told you before, I have been considering Buddhism, so in a future post I surely intend to do some further research into the term Karma and the religion of Buddhism, in order to further expand on my personal experiences and opinions. Please share your thoughts. Have you experienced any karmic incentives or consequences? Do you think those incentives and consequences were based on your thoughts/action or predetermined fate, or both? Do Tell Nicola…

What’s in a Name: Failure or Success?

/0 Comments/in /by

So as you know, I have decided to set out on a road to self-discovery (both domestically and internationally when my scheduled permits), as well as helping others. No family. No friends. No resources. No baggage. Just me, myself, and God. And of course, the wonderfully interesting individuals I will be so honored to meet along the way. Today, I was sitting down thinking about my upcoming plans. And I thought. I have so much that I plan to do. That I CHOOSE to do. And while I have already begun my “journey”, I wonder… Does my name affect the physical, mental, and spiritual part of me? So I searched for the meaning of my name… Nicola (aka Nicole): is a Latinised version of a Greek personal name (from the Greek Νικόλαος) derived from Nikos meaning “victory,” and laos meaning “people,” therefore implying the meaning “winner (victory) of the people.”

  • Clever, deep mind and the talent to excel in highly inspirational lines of endeavour as a dramatist, musician, writer, or artist.
  • You can be lifted by beauty in all forms and you are at the most creative when inspired.
  • Your expressive, affectionate nature responds very quickly through your feelings, but you must guard against being possessive and jealous.
  • You feel and sense much that you do not fully understand and cannot express.
  • Your delight in mystery could draw you into occult studies or religions.
  • Unfortunately, uncontrolled thoughts make it difficult for you to retain emotional stability, and prevent you from finding proper peace and relaxation.

There are many other sites that provide the meaning of Nicola, such as Seven Reflections, and they may go more into depth, but they pretty much provide the same perception. It is fascinatingly crazy how much the meaning of my name describes me. Every single bullet point reminds me of myself. At times I can be creative and artistic. But for the most part, my creativeness usually needs to be bred by inspiration in order for me to develop a successfully expressive piece. Or at least for me to truly appreciate the piece.

Other times I am ridiculously affectionate towards those close to me, and also those not so. And I have had my moments in the past of jealousy (during my insecure teenage years), and possessiveness (towards the people and things that matter to me). And though I was baptized into Christianity, and I do believe in God, I can admit that I believe there is a higher power (who I identify as “God” based on my background) and I have been considering Buddhism lately (I will post something in the future for sure about religion as its curious to me). And don’t forget my emotional stability. Laugh out loud.

When I am passionate about something, I just can’t stabilize myself. I am getting better at it though…finding peace and relaxation (YOGA is transcending *WINK*). One thing I can say and stand by. And this goes for the name and birthday books that also provide us with an entire breakdown of ourselves and who we are. No name nor birthday can define us. We are who we choose to be. Yes, there may be factors that contribute to our personality, such as likes, dislikes, temperaments, who we are attracted to, whether or not we prefer the indoors or outdoors, and much more. All of these characteristics or preferences might be partly innate or built on the developmental foundation established in our home. But it is truly OUR freedom to choose and decide what type of person we want to look like, feel like and act like that defines us.

For example, have you ever heard that people tend to repeat the same mistakes over and over, just in different fashions? Like the friend (who is considered a “good guy”) who chooses the same type of girl (unavailable and looking for a “bad guy”). Most likely, that friend is not choosing that unavailable girl because that is his personality and what he will always be programmed to do. He probably is just too insecure to realize and accept that he deserves true, unconditional, available friendship and love. And yes, such insecurities can be birthed from our exposures as a child or from that person that you thought was “good” and sincere who caused your first heartbreak.

But at the end of the day, we choose who we will let in our lives. We choose what decisions we will make the next go around. I am glad that I was inspired to discuss this topic because I have come across so many, including myself, who have subjected themselves to a life of repetitive self-destruction and ultimate unhappiness. Yes, life can bring some unexpected turns such as losing a loved one or being laid off from your job. And yes, such events can turn your world upside down and truly affect you in a way that, most would agree, gives you a pass to act depressed and inappropriate for awhile. But it is up to us how we decide to deal with our hardships, heartaches, and disappointments.

And don’t get me wrong. I am not implying that the obstacles in our life are as easy as getting over as us choosing to get over them. I am just saying you have a choice. You always have a choice. ‘It may not be a choice you like, but it is a choice’, inspired by LouAnne from Dangerous Minds. You can choose how you are going to let certain events affect your life (i.e. will you cry some then get up and look for another job, or are you going to go rob someone or decide to give up, move in with your parents and mooch off of them). Yes, all of these circumstances still kind of blows, but they are YOUR choice.

While I have my good and bad days. I can honestly say that I am pretty happy and so appreciative of the life I have been granted. But I am not sure if I have ever experienced undeniable joy. And I REALLY want to experience it. Even if for only 1 day. I am learning more and more every day that I have to speak positive reinforcements into my spiritual, so I can look and feel better mentally and physically. It is not an easy task… So all you can do is make a promise to yourself that you will find a way to relaxation and peace, whether it be yoga, or practicing Buddhism or meditation. Or maybe you enjoy cooking or driving to the beach and reading an interesting book. It is up to you to determine if you will allow for the people who raised you, or a meaning of a name or birthday to define who you are and who you are capable of becoming. What does your name mean? Is your name preventing your success and happiness in life? Is your name the best for your inner potential? Have you ever considered changing your name due to the affects of the meaning of your name? Do Tell Nicola…

You might also be interested in my other posts…The Maggot Dream and Change of Pace and Place. I hope you make the right choice for you 🙂 Good Luck!!

The Maggot Dream: Thoughts that Overwhelm & Empower

/0 Comments/in /by

Dreams… successions of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations that occur involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep. Those that I either anticipate or fear are my involuntary dreams.

I have had dreams that I could not wait to revisit again, such as meeting that mysterious man, or woman (Heyyy, what can I say? That’s what dreams are for!…J/k), who made me feel important (seen), beautiful and wanted, and sometimes bring that “happy ending” (if you know what I mean), which had me awaken to the most pleasant and sensational feeling pulsating all over my body. Or the delectable spread of my favored nourishments that I always seemed to be torn from, just as I was about to take my first bite (i.e. I was awoken from my dream).

But I also had those dreams that frightened me right out of my deep sleep. There might be ones where someone was trying to kill me. And I can never forget the time, after I had decided to take this “journey” and change up my pace, where there were about 4-6 maggots crawling on the windowpane.

Dreaming of these little clear-ish, white caterpillars can be interpreted as one having incorrect feelings or emotions towards someone or something. And they can also be indicative of the fact that you need to confront the thoughts and rid yourself of guilt or regret. On a positive side, they can also show ones will power to get through any hard situations at any point in life. Dreaming of these revolting critters certainly shows one’s anxiety and fears that are tormenting them round the clock in their wake life.

After the maggot dream, I was initially worried when I awoke and immediately searched for answers about what these dreams could mean. And after I learned more, I was able to relate these distressing dreams to my conscious life. Instead of being fearful of the dreams, I allowed for them to empower me. I have always been “tough” and able to overcome the negative aspects and events that occurred in my life. Even while some events have been more difficult than others to overcome, I have never allowed for myself to give in to desolation. And though the decision to embark on this solo mission to self-discovery is the biggest and most terrifying choice I have ever made, I know I am capable. Perhaps those maggots (I know it’s disgusting) are exactly what I needed to see to remind me that the strength and courage has always been inside of me, even through my darkest hours.

I believe that our involuntary dreams open the possibilities to our capabilities to embrace our voluntary dreams, or the deep conditions or achievements that are longed for. Aspirations are those that may or may not be feasible or practical, but are thoughts that I take pleasure in fantasizing about throughout my waking days.

My involuntary dreams gave me the courage to encourage my voluntary dreams (i.e. daydreams) to live carelessly and audaciously. They have enabled me to think bigger than myself. Instead of meditating on and accepting that I was crazy or a seriously disturbed individual (because let’s be honest, we can all be a little crazy and disturbed at times. It’s what can contribute to us being colorful, mysterious and unique). I believe our dreams are our inner most deepest feelings and thoughts speaking to us as we sleep. While they can be deemed a state of abstraction or blurry trances, to me, they can sometimes be more easily decipherable than when attempting to weigh our options, consider a solution, and resolve a problem when in our conscious state (i.e. awake).

A Love Letter to My Thoughts: I’m thinking of you. Listening to you. At times I can’t completely understand you. But I know you are there. Waiting patiently, and reminiscing with me. Remembering those feelings of both gaiety and gloom. Believing in my ability to consciously exist with you, even when I may not always be aware that you are so discretely speaking to me. I appreciate you. You guide me accordingly. You console me unreservedly. You reveal things to me that I never thought possible. Sometimes I find myself blaming you for the disconcerting images and negativity that emerges within me. But it’s me, and my fears and insecurities that overwhelm you. And for this…I express my regrets to you. And I promise you that if a time comes where I may feel a lack of hope or an imminent despair. I will allow for you to do what you do best. Dream… With Devoted Love, Nicola

Have your dreams empowered you? Do Tell Nicola…

Deciding when it’s Time for a Change of Pace and Place

/0 Comments/in /by

Has someone close to you ever said something like, “When it’s the right time for a change, you’ll know. And no one will be able to tell you otherwise“?

For some, it is an inquisitive thought tickling those adventurous curiosities, anticipating the opportunity to live carelessly and vicariously through the eyes of your other (inner true) self, like the explorative kitten or baby impatiently waiting for something or someone new to see, taste, feel and experience, with no fears of consequences or shame. For many, this feeling can seem like an overwhelming cloud of sadness, anger, insecurities, and regret, weighing on you each day, telling you that the life you’re living isn’t really the one you were meant to live. And for those few others, who are blessed with the life-changing occurrence of discovering the magic bestowed within them the day they became a reality of existence. The thoughts, feelings and occurrences of change can come with notice or unexpectedly. It is up to you to determine if you will take heed to it’s advice…

The mysteriously colorful journey on the road to changing paces and places brings about the possibilities of the same change and evolution we all seek at one point or another. The change that will breed the opportunity for us to be someone else, live somewhere new, meet people (un)like ourselves, and set goals that we hope will bring about a life where the fears and consequences of sadness, anger, insecurity, pain, and regret cannot survive. Life is full of change, even though we may not even realize the change occurring because we are too consumed with our everyday struggles and lack of focus on achieving the life and potential that we were born to lead.

After making the decision to seek a change of pace, I can now admit that I am the woman who has had the young girl buried deep inside, banging (in)discretely, trying to break free and express myself for me, and not for who I thought I should be or who others expected me to be. I am the woman who has made countless (repetitive) mistakes due to carefree tendencies, growing pains, and just plain selfishness, rebellion, and ignorance. I am the woman who has been overwhelmed by sadness, anger, insecurities, and regret, thus enduring sleepless nights, choosing the wrong relationships, destroying sincere relationships, and losing myself altogether on my reckless journey to, what it seemed like, a depressive state of nowhere.

So because it seems as though my decisions led me to a place of isolation, loneliness, and despair (i.e. nowhere), it made the most sense to also seek a change of place. I know this might seem a little melodramatic, so please do not misconstrue. (Laugh out loud). For me personally, when you are stuck in a 9-5 job that you don’t enjoy. When you find yourself being unsure about who you can trust (because let’s face it…we live in a secular world with so many others going through “life”, looking out for themselves and doing their best to “survive”). When you haven’t reached the level of accomplishments and success that you have aspired to for so long. All of these disappointments and failures can lead one to a “depressive state of nowhere”.

Therefore, sometimes, when you are stuck in an “empty life” and this cycle of repetitive self-destruction, your body begins to slowly dissipate, your mind begins to wither, and your soul can no longer absorb the colors of life that we have been so fortunate to have at our fingertips. Have you ever just sat next to your window in the morning as the Sun began to bless us with its presence for the day, and noticed the colors in the sky and felt the warmth of the sun on your skin? Such beauties are wonders we tend to take for granted due to our blind inability to absorb the colors of gratitude, happiness, and life.

But again, please don’t misunderstand. I dare not promote the act of giving up or “running away”. I am encouraging the power of self-empowerment and personal growth. I am expressing that only you can determine the colors in your stars. If you stop, and take a second to really think about who you are and where you would like to be, versus what you haven’t done thus far to get to where you think you should already be, you will be able to see a little bit more clearly. Your own perception of yourself is bound to become a little less blurred. You will be able to recognize that sometimes you have to step away, reboot, and then return to the healthy aspects of your life (such as a supportive family, real and loyal friends, and a good job, that hopefully you can come to adore and enjoy), so you are finally able to love yourself and be a better you, and in turn, truly love another. And maybe once you’ve stepped away for that moment and taken advantage of a positive change of pace (and place), you might realize that your journey has open doors and insights into the life that you had been searching for so many years.

My blog will discuss my changes of pace and place. It will expose you to the mysteriously colorful people, places and experiences that life may bring on the road to self realization, empowerment, exploration, and discovery. It will also introduce you to the journeys of others that I come into contact with that are willing to share their life-changing decisions and experiences. You will get to see me from a blurred, yet transparent, point of view as I travel the world in search of finding myself, experiencing true love for the 1st time hopefully and unconditional friendship, and touching the lives of others as I participate in global efforts against child abuse and human trafficking. I will share my experiences ranging from the process of determining my next place of travel, to obtaining a travel visa, to finding the best places to eat, to personal interviews with individuals suffering in at-risk conditions.

As I share with you, I hope to open the world to my heart, encouraging you to share your reservations, passions, and aspirations with me.

Is it your time for a change? Do tell Nicola…

Please use this contact form to ask any questions that you seek advice to whether it is related to relationships, experiences, aspirations and/or making the decision to seek a change of pace. I will post your questions anonymously and provide a response:

Send us mail

ATENCIÓN: Por favor, utilice este enlace, Free Translation, para traducir mis posts. Una vez que usted visite el sitio traducción, se encuentra la “lengua” (con la imagen del mundo junto a él), en la parte superior derecha, para elegir el idioma que prefiera. Gracias.