Life is crazy. It can really throw some hardballs at you. Our everyday experiences can encourage our thoughts to take control and bring about discouragement topped off with despair…if we let them.
Though I would say that November has been a pretty great month, it is no secret that I have been struggling with some personal things, some that I can and cannot control. Including being away from my entire support system back home. Not having too many people here in Spain who understand me and what I am trying to accomplish. Juggling multiple responsibilities, including performing on the job, obtaining a Master’s degree and learning Spanish.
And there are moments where a tear or two may fall from my eyes. But then, I suck them up. And recognize that I have a life that’s good…
Of course, I think by now you are beginning to notice a trend in my posts. I enjoy good movies and good music. I mean…who doesn’t?! And right now, I am on my Nashville kick. I just started watching the series (season 1) about 2 weeks ago, and just started on season 3 today. And there has been a song that has stuck with me. But today, more than others… A Life That’s Good is so beautifully touching and is a wonderful reminder of the gratitude I feel for my life and experiences and the people who are a part of them with me.
During the past several, long years, I have been dealing with things that were not my fault, and some things that were consequences resulting from my misguided actions. I could not see the bright light at the end of the tunnel for a long time because I felt I had no way around or out. Since I have made the decision to turn my life around and do something with the gifts that I believe God has blessed me with, I have been so much more open to the obstacles and bumps and bruises that I have been incurring on this new journey of mine.
I do not know if this newfound strength and passion of mine will last. I do not know what the future may bring. Who knows… there might be a moment that breaks me completely if I am not prepared. But I can speak for my strength and passion at the moment. And I feel like I am unstoppable for some reason. I know I am not immortal or anything. I am human. I have feelings. And those feelings can be hurt. But I just feel like everything that I am experiencing is a part of a plan that is necessary for me to experience so that I am able to see the bigger picture and realize all of the goals and aspirations I have envisioned for myself.
While I have my moments, like any other person out there. There is this love inside of me. This compassion. This gratitude for this life that I have been granted. I am so fortunate it is ridiculous. And I am not fortunate by the money I have in the bank (because let me tell you…I could do for some more to keep up with these living abroad expenses) or because I get to live in SPAIN right now. I am fortunate for the people I have been blessed to share my new experiences with. I am fortunate for the opportunity to grow and be something better for myself and others. I am fortunate that I am able to share this love inside of me. (by the way, these babies I get to care for… I LOVE THEM!!)
It is weird. Sometimes I wonder if this optimism and happiness that I feel is also misguided and I am imagining it all. Telling myself that I am optimistic and happy when I am actually scared out of my whits and depressed. Haha.
If this is the case. At the moment, I do not really care. Because I figured, isn’t that where it begins. Telling yourself that you deserve better. That tomorrow will be a brighter day. That “this is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it”. It begins with us. Believing in ourselves. And believing that we can change our stars and do something positive for ourselves and others.
At the moment, I do not have anything intriguing to speak about. Because of my hectic schedule, I haven’t been able to really work on my “independent research project”. Though I intend to when I visit Madrid sometime soon hopefully. At the moment, my life basically consists of me, my current household and the people that live in it, and trying to make a positive impression on the people here in Spain so I can make a contribution. I just felt compelled to express myself and show my gratitude in that I have a life that’s good…
Sittin’ here tonight (LITERALLY…in my bed right now), it reminds me I already have more than I should. Two arms around me, heaven to ground me, and (LOOKING FORWARD TO THOSE MOMENTS WHEN I GET TO TALK TO MY) family that always calls me home. At the end of the day, Lord I pray, I have a life that’s good.
This is something that I hope for everyone living this crazy thing called “Life”. Especially those out there who feel alone. Who are without their friends and family. Those possibly traveling around the world. I hope you are able to find fortune in your days and be gracious for the life you have been given. It is so short. With Love, Nicola
December and January are meant to bring about some great learning experiences for me, including finding somewhere to volunteer (which has not been easy as I have contacted organizations and have not heard back from anyone yet). I am looking forward to what life has to offer…#intrigued #excited #anxious #determined #hungry4more